The life of an individual, while unique, is often a repetition or recreation of the past. We often live the same way we lived when we were with our family or at school. Without questioning what we really want or if this is the way we think we should behave.
Change is always possible
Our past life experiences make us who we are today and have brought us to where we are today as well. However, change is always possible.
But to achieve any kind of change that will help us build our new life, it is necessary to know ourselves deep down. And honestly answer some complicated questions. Like: “How did I become who I am today?” or “How can I act differently?”.
The early years of our live contribute to our character and personality. This includes the positive aspects we like about ourselves as well as the aspects we don’t like. In fact, the behaviors in us that we don’t particularly like are usually adapted to the negative characteristics of those who influenced us when we were younger.
This could include our parents, teachers or other key caregivers. When we take a closer look at these aspects, we can even begin to notice how they’ve affected our careers, our relationships, and even the goals in our lives.
How did I become who I am today?
The way we understand the world
The process of separation, in which we separate by imitation the habits we have adapted, is not an easy process. This is because the way we understand the world is much like a puzzle and in this puzzle some ideas are wrapped in others.
Therefore, removing one idea could end up breaking up the whole puzzle. We often prefer to avoid the ideas we know to be wrong. So that we don’t have to analyze and possibly take apart the structure of our own puzzle.
The clinical psychologist Dr. Robert Firestone describes this separation process as a seven-step path to freeing ourselves from past behaviors and becoming who we really are.
How can I act differently?
7 steps to live the life that you really want and to help you break free from what’s holding you back
1. Analyze the behaviors that hurt you. Start by writing down the behavior of an influential person in your life in its most extreme form. Take a look at this behavior from the outside.
2. Once you’ve identified these behaviors. Then think about how they affect your cognition, behavior, and feelings.
3. Get some perspective. Since our ‘blind spots’ regarding our past prevent us from seeing the impact these behaviors have on our present. But how do we get rid of that limited visibility? One way is to talk to others who have recently entered your life. Since these are the people who will be able to see things from a better point of view.
4. Determine what you want to change. Once you’ve recognized the influence of this past behavior in the present tense, it becomes easier to determine where to make changes.
5. Taking note of the times when you react in a way you don’t like is very helpful in the separation process. It also helps you to get to know yourself better, recognize patterns and ask yourself what is happening at the right time. After all, our automatic reactions are often programmed into us. And can cause us to become immersed in negative feelings such as guilt.
6. Resist the temptation to stop trying and take your goals seriously. The initial inability to overcome the behavior we don’t like can cause anxiety and insecurity. And let’s be honest, nobody ever said it would be easy.
7. Remember that no one is perfect. The patterns you are trying to change have deep emotional ties. If you find yourself constantly repeating a mistake, then don’t judge yourself or generalize it. Assume that your behavior was in line with your mindset and that you have happily changed.
It is within your own hands
The power to change is within your own hands. So, what are you going to do next?